"Being foster parents is not about failure or success. It is about obedience to God's calling." With these and other encouraging words, we finished our 6-week marathon certification process and officially became a foster family for abused children. Usually the process takes anywhere from three to six months, we were told by the social worker, and we all knew why we did it in record breaking time--Lisa,( we'll just call her that to protect her identity), had been in the shelter just way too long; any delay on our part would mean, to us, more suffering for her. As we were walking out of the meeting room, I thought about how we got to know Lisa.....
"Auntie Peggy, do you know Lisa is in a shelter now?
Her father abused her and she couldn't take it any longer so she called the police."
"How do you know?"
"She called me from the shelter and I didn't know what to do."
That was around Thanksgiving time last year when one of my Sunday school students called with a frantic tone in her voice.
We had lost contact of Lisa for about one month. Before that, she would come to my house with another student to do homework on a few occasions and if there was a long weekend, I would invite her to come because I knew without a mother, her father was too busying working to even come home to care for her. Children protection service was already on her case.
Now, no one knew where she was. I made phone calls to the shelter and was told that Lisa couldn't talk to anyone whose name was not on her contact list. I called her social worker and all I got was answering machine after answering machine. Due to the holidays and other factors, it was in the new year when finally Lisa's third social worker called and arranged a time for us to meet at the shelter. Before our first visitation, I was encouraged to call her everyday to keep her spirit up. I prayed for her a lot and my Sunday school class pray for her too. When we finally met, I remembered this Bible verse that "if you do this to one of ...
you are doing this to me." and I decided to go through with the certification.
Three days after we became certified foster parents, Lisa came to our house. She stayed a short three weeks and in those three weeks, things happened one
after another. When I found out that I couldn't even keep her safe because I couldn't find her after school, I knew it was time to have her removed. The
social worker found her another home far away from where I live and I lost contact with her. The next time I heard from her would be when she called and
told me that she was going to commit suicide and she was saying goodbye to me and my family. What happened in the following 30 minutes I am still waiting to find out when I go to court this month as a witness for the district attorney who is prosecuting her.
It's been almost six months now and I think about her from time to time. After what happened, most people had lost heart, including people from church. They
told me things like, "See, we told you in the beginning that it was not a good idea to open your home to a child 'like that," or they said to me, "I hope this
experience will teach you a lesson next time. I don't think you want to be a foster parent again. I hope not." some say, "Look what can happen to good people!
This is a fallen world; anything can happen. It's better we just keep to ourselves. Even if you see someone lying on the roadside hurting, it's better to
leave the person alone lest they should sue you for whatever crazy reason."
But God's word reminded me, "Test all things ;hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21) "Do not grow weary in doing good."(2 Thessalonians 3:13) I
responded to His calling to take Lisa in, and I let go when there were things beyond my control like her mental illness. I felt such peace like He promised, "..the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all." (2Thessalonians 3:16)
There are some lessons I learned from this experience though.
1. When parents fail to provide, protect, discipline and nurture their children, children suffer greatly . If unfortunately that is the case, parents NEED to ask for help and not to feel ashamed about it. Lisa's father, for many times, refused for me, or anyone, to befriend his family. He suffered alone, struggled alone and his
family suffered too. Chinese people believe that "what happens in the family stays in. 'shameful' things should not be revealed to outsiders." I think it's time we challenge that belief. When there is abuse in the family, everybody suffers. It is NOT shameful to involve more people to be there for your family when you need it.
2. We are all potential abusers if it weren't for the grace of the Lord. One morning when Lisa refused to respond to my request to get up and get dressed to go to school; when I repeatedly asked her to respond but my requests were met with dead silence and time was running out, I felt this urge to just pull away her
bed cover so at least I could see her, and when I didn't do that, the pressure built inside me and I felt like screaming and yelling. When nothing happened and I was just standing there feeling like a fool, I felt like grabbing, hitting and even kicking her! I didn't. I was thankful that because of all my training as a parent education teacher/therapist, and as a saved sinner by Jesus I pleaded for His grace out of desparation, I was able to control myself. But think about thousands and hundreds of parents who don't have the training and don't know Jesus and don't know ANYONE or ANYTHING about child rearing! I can relate to them better now because I have tasted the temptation and I know there is no "us" and "them," we are all just human.
3. I understand that it is easy to lose hope and feel that you can't love again once you were hurt, but the good Lord promises that He'll be with us even as we
walk through the dark valley of death. It is because He first loved us that we are able to love. Love doesn't come from us; it comes from Him. whenever we
feel we can love because we are just the most loving people on planet earth, we will get hurt and disappointed. People don't know how to love us back for one thing, and we all love with this secret agenda that our love will bring us reward of some kind. Reality tells us that simply may not be the case. We love, because we are loved by God and we want to be obedient to his command," love one another as you love yourself." It is not about how we feel in any certain
circumstance. And we should not stop loving just because bad things happen. Let's ask for His grace to sustain and bless us as we choose to do his will.
Lisa is only one of many children who are victims of child abuse. The Bible says," And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it." (1Corinthians 12:26) We can't help all of those children but we can love just one more in our amidst. You can make a difference in a child's life when you truly love him/her and show your love through your action. Lisa is no longer with me, but she knows that I love her even though I asked for her removal from my home.
She is by herself now in a juvenile detention facility awaiting trial. What lays in front of her nobody knows and I can only ask God, who is the father of the fatherless, to show her Himself, the Way.
「作為一個寄養家庭的父母，不是在於作得成功或失敗，乃是順服神的呼召。」因著這個理念和一些鼓勵的話，我們馬不停蹄的花了六個星期，辦理寄養家庭證書的手續，終於成了虐待兒童的寄養家庭。社工人員告訴我們，通常這些手續要花上三到六個月，我們深知為什麼能破紀錄的迅速完成。麗莎（為了保護她，暫且這樣稱呼）在收容所已經太久了，再托延時間只有使她受更多的苦。當我們走出會議室時，當年相識的經過不禁一幕幕的出現……。
「Peggy 阿姨！妳知道麗莎現在住在收容所嗎？」
她被父親虐待，忍受不了，叫了警察。
「妳怎麼知道呢？」
「她從收容所打電話來，我不知道該怎麼辦？」
那已是去年，大概在感恩節的時候，我班上主日學的一個學生很激動的打電話來。
我已和麗莎失去聯絡將近一個月了，在這之前，她會常和朋友一齊到我家來作功課，有時在長週末，我也會邀她來。因為我知道她失去了母親，父親也過度忙於工作，沒有時間照顧她。兒童保護局也插手參與這個個案了。
現在沒有人知道麗莎去到那兒，我打電話到收容所，他們拒絕麗莎和任何人談話，除非相關名字被列上。轉而打給她的社工人員，但所得的都是電話錄音。因為假日又加上一些其他事，一直拖到新年，終於麗莎的第三個社工人員回電話，安排時間讓我們在收容所見面。在首次會面以前，他們鼓勵我每天打電話給麗莎，能使她的精神活潑一點。我和主日學的學生經常為她禱告。終於我們見面了，我記起聖經裡一段話：「如果你做在最小弟兄身上……，就是做在我的身上。」所以我決定繼續進行手續的辦理。
在我們領到寄養家庭證書的三天後，麗莎來訪，住了三個禮拜。那段期間，事情發生層出不窮，當我發現我不能再保護她時，因為學校放學後找不到她，我知道是她離開的時候了。社工人員為她找到了一個家庭離我們很遠，因此也就失去了聯絡。再次聽到她的消息的時候是她打電話來說再見，因為她預備去自殺。在這通電話之後的三十分鐘所發生的事，將要等到我出庭作證時才能水落石出，因為地方法院檢察官正檢舉她。
六個月過去了，我還時刻想念她。事過境遷，大部份的人早已失去了信心，甚至連教會的人也一樣，他們七嘴八舌的告訴我：「你看！不是早就告訴妳了，把家打開收容這樣的孩子不是好主意！」或有的說：「希望這個經驗給妳一個教訓，我想妳不至於重踏覆轍，再作寄養父母了吧！希望不會！」更有的說：「你看！好人不得好報，這是個悖逆的世代，世事難料，最好潔身自愛，就是看到有人受傷倒在路邊，最好別理，免得招來無奈訴訟之禍。」
但上帝的話提醒我--「要凡事察驗，善美的要持守。」（帖前五21）「弟兄們，你們行善不可喪志。」（帖後三13)不論是回應主的呼召接納麗莎，或是讓她離開我們去接受精神治療，我都心有平安，因祂答應「願賜平安的主，隨時隨事親自給你們平安，願主常與你們眾人同在。」(帖後三16)
從這次的經歷中我學到了一些功課：
1、為人父母如在供養、保護、管教和養育孩童方面失責，他們受害極深。不幸果真如此，父母則需求助於人，千萬不要覺得不好意思。麗莎的父親幾次拒絕我或其他人的友善幫助，孤軍奮鬥，整個家庭就跟著受苦。華人相信“家醜不外揚”，現今，這是值得質疑的，因家有虐待的事是波及整家人。有需要，求助於人，並不是羞恥的事。
2、若不是神的恩典，我們都會有這個虐待行為的可能性。一天早晨，當麗莎拒絕我的吩咐要她起床整衣上學時，幾次的嘗試都遭沉默碰壁，這時心裡一股氣，真想掀開她的被，至少可看到她的人，但我沒有這麼做，忍住這股氣時，心裡幾乎要大聲喧嚷起來，整個人傻傻的站在那兒，真想打她，踢她，但我沒這麼做。感謝神，因為我所受的訓練--成為一個如何為人父母的教導師，和一個蒙恩的罪人，蒙神恩典救我脫離當時怒氣衝天的困境，使我那時能控制自己。但想想，那些成千上萬的父母，他們沒有受過訓練，又不認識真神，甚至沒認識什麼人或知道有關孩童養育的知識，當如何辦？因為身歷其境，現在我更能感同身受，在這事上，沒有你我之分，我們都是一樣的人。
3、我明白當一個人受創傷後會容易失去信心，很難再去嘗試愛，但慈悲的上帝應允，縱然走過死蔭的幽谷，祂必與我們同在。是因神先愛我們，我們才能彼此相愛，愛是從神而來。何時我們覺得靠自己可以去愛，何時就帶來失望和創傷。一般人不知道如何回報愛，我們心裡都希望從善得報，事實卻非如此，我們能愛，是因為神愛我們，並要順服祂的命令“愛人如己”，不受環境影響，也不因事與願違而受挫折，願神的恩惠保守並祝福我們每日與祂同行的腳步。
麗莎不過是許多的受害者之一，聖經裡提到「若一肢體受苦，所有的肢體就一同受苦。」(林前十二26) 雖然我們不能愛所有的人，但可以從中多愛一個，真心愛他，你我可以改變一個孩童的一生。麗莎已不在我身邊，雖然我得請她離開，但她知道我們愛她。現在她被拘留在少年管教所等待受審。前途如何沒有人知道，只求天父，那孤兒的父，指示帶領她。
